work smarter

So, I'm thinking about ... I'm thinking about the fact that I think all the time, and that ... I'm so obsessed with stupid shit that never gets me anywhere. Actually, I just think about ridiculous ... baloney all the time. I think about work, I think about how much I despise the people there.

Isn't that ... I don't know, the nature of my whole life? I remember defining my life by my situations, living at home and going to school. I remember hating the kids at school, and hating my parents. And now, I look at work, and my horrid boss, and it feels like the same thing. It feels like I just occupy myself with ridiculous bullshit, and don't concentrate on anything that could help me live a better life, like finishing my book.

I probably should have finished it by now, but ... I haven't. And I haven't, because ... I don't know why. Because I goof off all the time.

I was thinking to myself that in a way, my writing is like mental gymnastics. I spend all this time writing, over the years, and I have done nothing with it. Should I be in writing classes, perfecting my craft? Probably, though probably not. I guess on some level, I am terrified by the idea that I could be criticized. I really don't like that concept at all. But, that's okay too.

If I start working on the weekend again, which I totally need to do, I am going to force myself to go to the bookstore on either Thursday or Friday night. And, stinker that I am, I'm going to drop shifts every once in a while.

I'm also going to figure out a way to have zero debt. I HATE the debt thing. It is the worst poison you can possibly have in your life.