another tuesday in the coffeehouse

So, it's Tuesday, and I'm at the coffeehouse. I got here, I guess around 6:30, which is stupid, because ... why the hell can't I get here more early?

I keep thinking about quitting my job and just doing massage. And I might. But ... I really want to pay off my bills, and maybe buy more crap that I know I'm going to want, like a new computer. I'm really tired. By life. I actually don't think I can continue working at my stupid job. But it would be so much better, if I could save up some money, and ... well, and not have so much debt.

It would be cool if I could hang out til next year, and take my four weeks vacation from work. But then I think, why bother? It's just prolonging the inevitable. Why not just get it over with and quit.

Another part of me wants to just work and have money put aside. I mean, if I were to pay off all my bills, I could really have such a better life.

But, I also feel like ... I want to write my books. And I don't have the chance to do that, when I am working like an animal. It's weird, because I feel creative, lately. I keep getting new ideas. But, I also feel ... I feel like ... I probably just need to finish the books. And really, I will finish them, and I will have more than enough time to write, no matter what petty details I confront in the near future. I'll tell you one thing, universe, it is really great not to owe money. It's really great to have money, and not to have to worry about debt. That is one thing I would not like about doing massage, having to worry all the time about how much money I was going to make.

I tell myself it's nothing to just work on a saturday morning, and ... I guess to a certain degree that's true. But, I can also feel myself getting tired. I can feel myself, not wanting to work on the book. And really, that is a problem.