Tuesday, vacation day

So, it's Tuesday, way early in the morning. And I have a couple days off work.

I'm interested to see if I get anything done on the book, or anything done in general. I would like to completely clean my apartment, we'll see if that happens. I need to go to Costco and buy a bunch of crap in bulk, like paper towels.

I'm thinking of buying a new iMac, but I hate to drop a fortune on that machine, especially when it's mostly so I can play World of Warcraft on it. I might try to stretch some life out of the computer I have. We'll see.

new imacs

I'm at the coffeehouse, and I'm not liking the vibe. There are too many people here. The laundry area is totally packed with people trying to wash their clothes. I think I'm going to just wash my clothes and run home.

My stupid computer is acting wonky. Safari decided to die on me and refuses to work again. Thank God Safari is functioning. I'm thinking of buying a new Imac, but ... damn. There goes my savings account. And then I get to go back to work and slave away, so I can barely get by.

I was looking at this girl at work who is absolutely gorgeous, but she's a bimbo. Sure enough, they promoted her anyway, and now she's driving around in a Range Rover. It would be so much easier if I could just make some more frickin' money.

But at least I'm glad that I have some money tucked away in my savings, so that I don't have to ... rely on credit cards.

Dollhouse

Here is a preview of Josh Whedon's "Dollhouse." Looks awesome.

big update

It's Sunday, I'm doing wash. Ordered some new shoes off the net, which is fun.

I have to go to visit the family for Mother's Day, which is fine. But a part of me wishes I could just sit at home and write.

Also, I bought the new Stephenie Meyer book, "The Host."

Something here in the coffeehouse smells so disgusting, I can't stand it. They might be cooking with onion, but it smells so disgusting.

too many distractions

It's funny, because ... I went to work today, and I was almost thrilled to be there, even though I groused and complained. Yet, I come home tonight, and I have nothing to do. There are no internet sites I want to look at, no snotty comments I wish to trade on gawker.com. It all seems like distractions to me.

At work today, a woman made me very angry, not because of the things she did to me, though there are many in the past. She behaved inappropriately to my co-worker. She threatened to have him fired, which was ... it's the kind of thing that makes me very angry. But ... again, it feels like a distraction. Distracting me from what, the things i don't want to face in my life?

I've never wanted to conquer the world. It doesn't really interest me. But ... maybe the things I do want ... maybe I have show a kind of apathy toward going after my ... desires.

Maybe it's easier to sit in your room alone and be distracted than it is to write a novel. Maybe it's easier to chatter on gawker.com.

I think the Celestine Prophecy was right, that we are all trying to draw energy from the world. Even when I squawk away on gawker, I see myself, I don't know, trying to get attention, maybe? And it's funny, because I don't, really. No one really pays any attention to what I say. Maybe a little. But it's pointless.

One of their posts talked about how we were all wasting our time making comments, when we should be working on our own blogs. And really, there are a thousand blogs on the net. Why cares. We're all regurgitating the same youtube clips. Everyone is trying to get attention, a book deal, something. But I would simply prefer to express myself. I just want to say something that is real and true and unaffected. I guess I only need money to feel safe, but ... will that ever happen? I picture myself making millions of dollars and being an old man, with no one around me. Or having a staff of nurses who torment me, trying to kill me off to get my money. It's funny, because this world is so overwhelming. You wonder if there is any goodness in it. Any happiness in the way people are so cruel to one another.

gawker

It's Sunday, and once again, I've done nothing all weekend long. What a surprise. Well, I've worked a bit on my book. Which is a good thing. But considering how low my productivity is, I should have started working again. At least I would have money to blow on material goods I don't need.

I'm at the cybercafe, which now has a TV mounted to the wall, doing advertising. There are two girls here talking loudly, which would normally annoy me, but they seem to be having fun. It always amazes me how people can talk extremely loud in a coffeehouse, when people around them are trying to work. And, of course, they are talking about extremely personal things, like the size of the schlongsof the boys they date.

I spent a lot of the weekend looking at gawker.com, which was ... silly. I keep making comments, but it's interesting, because no one really seems to give a shit about what you say. It's like people spewing dialogue at each other. And the conversational threads, it's strange, like they are speaking in a language all their own, like they know each other.

There is one person named koreanish who is very amusing, I think he is a novelist who wrote a book called "Edinburgh." I actually want to read it now, but then there is another one called "Queen of the Night" that is coming out, which seems better. Well, not better, but also interesting, like something I want to read.

blonde cylon

It's Sunday, and I'm washing my clothes again. I sort of decided yesterday that I wasn't going to work on the weekend anymore. Than I had a stupid dream, where I was working at the spa. and now I'm thinking I will go back. The dream was really positive, so it feels like sort of a sign.

I mean, I don't get all that much writing done. I had all yesterday, and I did very little. But then again, at least I am being thorough and going over it again and again.

I was ripping out my eyebrows yesterday. It is like the worst habit in the world. I am going to have to try to stop myself, before I succumb to high blood pressure. I also had a caramel latte last night, and drank the whole bloody thing at my computer. That was really stupid. It made me so jittery. I thought I was going to have a heart attack last night, as I went to sleep.

Instead of writing, I watched Battlestar Gallactica on Hulu, and then argued with this writer on Gawker.com. He's in love with stupid Starbuck, who's okay, but I really like number Six. I think she is so great. I like her because of the one episode, where she went back to occupied Caprica and started talking to a ghost of Baltar. It was so fascinating. I think she is so much more interesting than Baltar, but they want her to be the hot blonde.

They need to give her a new wig, though. It's starting to look ratty.

come saturday morning

It's Saturday morning, I'm sitting here staring at my computer doing nothing. How pathetic. I'm definitely going to see Iron Man this morning.

I did wake up early and walk to the bank to deposit a check. And went and got Starbucks. I think ... it's just hard, to live life in some ways. It's really frustrating, to have hopes and dreams. But ... I think I'm more interested in living in the moment.

I was going to relabel this blog something about "rants against the establishment." And it's interesting to me. Because, I see all these people at work, and I realize that I don't want to do their jobs or be like them in any way. They are all scrambling for power, and yet, together we are all living on a planet that is dying. It's like, you have all these independent little cells scrambling for power indificually, but because they won't work together, they will all die. So why should I want to be life them?

I guess, it's hard for me to do something, unless it has meaning. And it only has meaning to me, if I am helping people.

here comes the weekend

Well, universe, I did nothing terribly interesting tonight. Work was brutal. It was so interesting, because I was walking around this morning, and I got such a bad feeling. It was like ... I kept seeing things that felt like bad omens to me. And I knew the day was going to be fucked. And sure enough, it was. There was so much work to do at work. It wasn't totally horrible, though. I'm grateful for that.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to go back to working on the weekend. I shouldn't, but I really want to make some extra money and not have to scrimp and save all the time. I need to work on my writing, but instead, I just keep falling asleep and getting nothing done. But that's okay.

I'm thinking of going to see Iron Man tomorrow. That will be fun.

Me sick

It's Sunday, and I'm at the coffeehouse, like usual. I'm really exhausted. I was totally sick on Saturday. Of course, I take a day off on Friday. I decided to just stay home. Actually, I went to the bookstore Friday night. But Saturday, I couldn't really do anything. I just stayed home.

So now I'm at the coffeehouse, but I'm thinking I'm not going to last long. I still feel crappy, though much better. I hate it when stupid people come to work sick. One of the kids at work was sick. I tried to get him to go home, and finally he did, after hanging around for half the day. But I'm pretty much convinced he got me sick.

Maybe I'll go home and come back here later in the day. I wanted to go get cupcakes, but that is sort of looking like something that won't happen.

julie brown sharon stone depends ad

Julie Brown has this sort of funny clip on Youtube, a Sharon Stone Depends ad.

It's not as funny as her older material, but it's rather humorous. I think I'm just thrilled to see anything new with Julie in it.

Home Alone

So, I'm at home, after work. Really bored. I've pretty much decided that I'm going to go back to doing massage. I'm tired of not having any money. Actually, it will be nice to have a lot of money, which is what will happen if I go to work again.

I'm just ... so bored with working in a mailroom. It is not fulfilling in the least.

I have become more interested in writing, I will say. Mostly because ... I guess the real world is so boring, that I've become fascinated by the worlds I create in my mind. Of course, then I get on the internet and do nothing. Sigh.

Milf Island

I've never really gotten into the whole Tina Fey thing, but I think "Milf Island" has finally made me a believer. It was the funniest thing ever. I mean, it's almost too close to what reality shows have become, but now I almost want them to make it.

I love this

Jessica the Hippo from youtube.

sunday sunday

I'm at the coffeehouse, and ... I'm sort of thinking I shouldn't have bothered coming here today.

I'm sort of bored, and I don't really want to go back to work. Like always. There is some buy with a headset on, sleeping in one of the chairs, and older man. So ridiculous to come in here and sleep.

I wanted to eat something with sugar in it, but everything they have here is so gross. Which might be a good thing, because I only have 15 dollars left, and I don't want to spend any money this week. I blew all my extra cash at Trader Joes.

I took my car to the car wash today, and they did a horrible job. They didn't even wipe the bird shit off the door of my car.

I want to go to the store and buy something, that's how bored I am. It's funny, I just put 50 bucks worth of gas in my car, and I'm shocked that it cost so much. I think I've depleted a huge chunk of my savings this week, just paying off credit card debt. I'm supposed to get a raise that my union is negotiating, and ... at least I'll be able to put all of that money into my savings again. Plus my parents are going to give me money at my birthday, but ... the bottom line is I will have to go back to work soon. At the spa. All I keep thinking about is that I don't want to ever massage anyone again. I just want to put all of that money into the bank, so that I don't have to work if I don't want to work. I should just work harder on my writing.

I'm listening to my friend Arek's music, and it's pretty good. It's inspiring, to listen to something creative.

stupid daylight savings time

I'm so pissed. I moved my clock in the wrong direction for daylight savings time. So I got to the laundromat at 8 instead of six o'clock in the morning. I hate that.

I stayed home all day yesterday, and worked on my novel. It is such a weird experience to work on a book like that, because ... it's kind of depleting. It's like, you put all your energy into writing and ... I don't know. I guess I need to get out an recharge my batteries, but I didn't even want to go to the bookstore. I just stayed home. I'm going to go visit my family today, though, so that is something.

I guess I'm glad I'm focusing on the book, though, because I have been really lazy ... well, my whole life. I really need to finish this thing, badly. I have to move on with my life.

I watched the movie "Shoot 'Em Up." I thought it was kind of ridiculous and stupid, even though it had Clive Owen, who I love.

Bitch is the New Black

I can't stand Tina Fey. She's so bland. But this youtube clip is really funny. Her take on Hilary just might make me like her.

Feeling better still

I accomplished a tiny bit today. Worked on my book. I'm not going to the bookstore. I don't know why. Well, I'm not going because I don't have the energy. I went to Miyako, a Japanese restaurant, just now and had an Udon. That was great. I mostly drank the broth, but at least I choked down the beef strips. And a couple noodles.

I slept a little in the afternoon, too.

I e-mailed my friend from jury duty a couple days ago, he never e-mailed me back. I think that's a sign that we probably won't become friends after all. I guess that's for the best. I really need to work on my book.

Speaking of which, I think I'm not going to go to the Promenade on Saturdays anymore. Nor the bookstore. I'm just going to work on my book at home. I think what I'm going to do is invest in some furniture for my place, so that it is a better place for me to work at, a more comfy space. And I'm going to get a sofa for the living room that I can sleep on. God help me, maybe a futon, even though I hate them. No, no futon, I can't go there. Futons are evil.

Juno

Juno looks vile. I don't know why I say that though. I loved "Thank You For Smoking." It was so dark. And I love Ellen Page. And Jason Bateman. And Jennifer Garner is in it, who I like, despite the fact that she's so bloody bland.

But I have two problems with it. One, even though Ellen Page is great, she's so bloody snarky in it. I mean, I would be panicked. And two, hasn't Hollywood heard about abortion? I mean, it exists. And in cases like this one and that other Katherine Heigel think, you look at these people and think, "Get rid of it." It is realistic that they would have the baby, but ... damn. Don't people know about condoms? Or anal sex?

I am going to put it on my Netflix queue to see if I'm wrong. Here's a clip:

Wretchedly ill

I was so sick yesterday. My co-workers love to come in when they are sick. It's so stupid, because then they make everyone else sick too. I had to get up early and leave the house at around 6 am to drive and hour to get my taxes done. Which was nice, because I'm getting money back this year. I felt bad, because I told the tax guy I was sick, and he looked at me with dread. I'm sure he was thinking, "Why the hell did you come here?" But I figured he was busy, and it would be rude to cancel an appointment at the busiest season of the year. Of course, I probably got him sick.

I came home and slept the entire day yesterday. Like, from 9 in the morning through this morning. However, it was fitful, and I would wake up intermittently. I went to the grocery store last night, and it's so funny to me, how doing something as simple as that when you are sick is so difficult. I felt like it was the hardest thing in my life, that I had ever done.

better blogging

Okay, I've vowed to actually work on this blog a bit. See, people like it when you actually make daily updates to your blog. It makes them keep reading it. And within one of my deluded fantasies, I actually start to make money off this blog, to the point where I can quit my job. Of course, I've never even checked to see if anyone looks at it. Nor have I made the effort to connect it to the URL address I bought for it. But those are just minor details.

I saw "Sunshine" off Netflix last night. Well, half of it. Meh. I think it's a problem when you watch a movie and go, "I don't care if any of these crew members live or die." Even more importantly, I don't care if they restart the sun and save Earth. Well, maybe a little bit, because Earth looked pretty chilly at the end of the movie. Australia was snowed over. But really, at that point guys, the place is doomed. You wouldn't even be able to restart the sun. Oh yeah, I only watched the first have, then skipped to the end.

One of my favorite websites, awfulplasticsurgery.com, has a thing about Averil Lavigne getting breast implants. So funny.

long weekendz

So I'm on day two of my long weekend. I went to BestBuy, to see if I wanted to get a new desk chair. I didn't really like the ones they had. I think instead I'm going to wait. I also went to West Elm, but their chairs were kind of ugly. They were only in chocolate, which I'm not crazy about. So I have sort of decided to use one of my kitchen chairs as a chair for my table. That will be good in a way, because I need other furniture for my apartment.

So I was sitting at home, sleeping too much. And I decided to come to the coffeehouse again. So boring, to do the same thing over and over, but ... I forget what I ate at lunch. I had like a potato with turkey meatballs, and I am so stuffed. So I thought I would come to the laundry coffeehouse, because then I can at least have a sandwich here. If I were to go to Borders, there would be only disgusting food to eat.

Tomorrow I am going to go to EB games and see if they have a wii. I shouldn't buy it, but what the hell. I need to buy something some time. I need to spend some money.

And ... I am still thinking of going back to the Mini Day Spa to ... well, have some money in my life. I can't really imagine doing a massage, but ... we'll see.

I don't see why I can't work on my book. Well, I guess I should say that I can work on it, because ... I have been working on it.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday and that was fun. I was going to go hang out with my nephew this weekend, but I didn't. I decided to space it out, which was smart. Having too much time off seems to ... make me kind of depressed for some reason.

bloggy o'bloggin'

I'm at the coffeehouse, doing my laundry. It's nice here on Sunday, even though I should be writing, I'm ... well, writing a bit on this.

I watched a movie on youtube last night, "Sydney White." It was sort of amateurish and poorly done, despite Amanda Bynes being in it. She really needs to stay away from crappy movies that seem like ... well, the craps she's in looks like it should be straight to DVD, which half of it is. Maybe she should just make less movies.

I want to watch this Michelle Pfeiffer thing, "I Could Never Be Your Woman." Actually, I need to just write. I was going to do something fun today, like go to the movies, but the movies all look like crap.

And I need to start playing Wow again. Especially since I'm paying for it.

blogged down

It's Sunday, and surprise, surprise, I'm at the coffeehouse. I'm getting that feeling, where I do too much work, and I can't ... I feel kind of depressed. I almost bought a videogame, just to keep my mind off things. But I didn't. I almost bought Resident Evil too, just to have something to watch. I guess if I get really desperate, I'll go to Borders and buy something to watch. But I doubt that I will.

I don't want to go back to work after jury duty ends. It will be interesting, to see if I even stay.

gross out

I'm at the coffeehouse today, I don't know why. I guess I feel kind of depressed. I slept too much again today. It seems to be a pattern with me. And now that I don't have netflix, I'm wanting it again, because I'm bored out of my skull with Wow.

I saw this really handsome blonde boy from the massage school with this beautiful, long hair ... and I thought, "How boring." I didn't even want to talk to him, he didn't interest me at all. I'm bored with massage, I don't even want to do it anymore. I don't think I will ever do massage again, except for the fact that I need the money.

I want to force myself to write though.

I had jury duty today, and I might get stuck on a trial. I really hope I don't, but ... I suppose there is a chance. I hope they take one look at me and decide they don't want me. But, it made me think about the world and what I want to do. I thought ot myself, I'm glad I didn't become a lawyer. I don't want to be a lawyer. And then I thought, "I wonder what it would be like to work at the courthouse?" I'm glad I didn't do that though.

It doesn't interest me. I really realize that what I really want to do with my life is write. I was even thinking of going to visit my nephew and niece this weekend, but now, I think I won't. I want all three days to myself to write. I guess I'm being selfish, but too bad.

bored, yet again

I'm at the coffeehouse, bored out of my mind. I have to go to jury duty tomorrow, which I despise. I HATE jury duty, I have that they give it to me every goddamn year.

I've been detoxing on caffeine, and that makes me pissed off too. I don't really like it, but I feel like it's better for me. My body was in total pain, but the interesting thing is that I totally slept a ton, and now I feel really bored. It's like, too much exercise.

I'm really bored with everything. I don't want to play World of Warcraft AT ALL. I'm so sick of it. I need ... I need to get a new job or ... to move somewhere. Maybe it would be interesting to go to France, or maybe it would just be a distraction.

It's interesting, because now that I have time off, a whole week-end to myself, it feels like SO MUCH extra time. It's like a ton of personal time, and I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe it would be better if I could find a cool coffeehouse to go to, other than this one. I tried another one near my house, and it was totally vile. I hated it.

Sometimes I think I just need to meet someone new. I have like absolutely no friends whatsoever, but ... I don't want to do the same old boring things. Nothing feels like it would be interesting to me.

Probably, I need to get a videocamera and start experimenting with making films.

I'm looking at a new mac laptop, and I totally would love to have one, with the new operating system. It looks really cool

any progress is progress

It's Sunday afternoon, and I'm at my favorite, the coffeehouse laundromat. I just ordered a turkey pesto sandwich, and Im praying its not made on wheat bread, like I'm looking at. So gross. Thank God, it wasn't.

I'm starting to enjoy coming here on Sunday afternoon, and doing my laundry ... Sunday afternoon. It's kind of fun being here on Sunday night, and i seem to get a little bit of work done. I love all the hip posers who hang out here, doing their laundry, mixed with the occasional weirdo leeching the free internet.

I've been playing too much wow, working on my twink, Snow White. I can feel myself wanting to go home and work on her some more. Which I probably will do, even though I should be writing. But that's okay.

I'm starting to feel again like I want to quit my job, and just do massage. But even if I don't, I will ... I figure even if I slowly write the novel, that is good enough.