Iphone Saturday

It's Saturday, and I'm at the coffeehouse, as usual. I'm thinking of going ... no, I'm definitely going to go get my Iphone today.

I should wait for ... whatever reason, but screw it. I want the darn thing now, and I'm going to get it now. In fact, I think I ... I don't know, I want so much. There are so many toys and things that I want, like a new Mac laptop and desktop.

But those are all toys, I want. And really ... are they that important?

The more I think about it, the more I want to devote my life to making movies. Because, that is what I really want to do, devote my life to making movies. And I keep thinking to myself, what is the point? What is the point of living half a life?

Is that what Dawnea did? Did she run away, and just give up on being a psychic? Was that the right thing for her to do? Because, this world needs a lot of help.

When I think back on her, I think to myself taht she gave up on her mission. I totally feel like she should have been out there, on a concert stage, doing her "evenings," her experience with Riding the Dragon, or whatever she called it.

I feel myself growing older in subtle ways, and ... falling behind on technology. I'm tired of being in this energy of being stuck. And I really want to ... kind of investigate the computer more, and work on my book, on getting myself up on the web.

I wrote some last night, and it was fun, but it amazed me how quickly I fell asleep, as soon as I worked on editing the book.

There is an older man in here, and he keeps insisting on speaking Mandarin Chinese to the girl who works behind the counter, even though she is Asian, she doesn't understand the language. And it's really annoying, that he's so insistent.

When I think about the sort of ... way that my life is stuck, I think of my book, and the girl in it, the one set in England that I want to write. And I realize, that in some ways, it is like her life. The way she was stuck in this subservient position and how she just sort of faded away. It's really easy to just fade away, and in some ways, I feel like that's what I'm doing.

But darn, I do like working on my book.

Iphony

I'm totally getting the Iphone. I have figured out that I can use it at Barnes and Noble stores, if I upgrade my internet service with AT&T, for only two more dollars a month. I would totally use the ihpne for intenet there, then again, I can use my computer now.

I feel like I want to buy the things I want in life, and go on the trips I want to go on, do everything I want to do.

I went to Barnes and Noble last night, because I wanted to get moving on my ... I just wanted to do something that would make me feel good about myself. And I got a little work done.

I think I'm gonna ... I know I'm going to start working at the spa again. And I am definitely going to finish the book. I want to start making movies. I want to start doing something better with my life.

Thursday Morning

It's Thursday, and I'm at the coffeehouse. I got here really late this morning, and I've been doing nothing, skimming the internet and watching videos. I got here really late today.

I feel like I'm going to quit, even though it would be nice to not have to do that. I think I'm going to just quit, and go do massage. I mean, I hate the idea of not having a big savings account and such. But I'm realizing something ... I don't have any energy left to write. It's exhausting to have to go to that wretched mailroom and do everything.

It's tiime to leave. I really hate it there, and I"m just exhausted.

I just saw this movie trailer, for something called, "Margot at the Wedding." And it looked really interesting. It really makes me want to make movies, all of a sudden. And I realize, I'm not living that passion. And even though I'm old now, I'm not dead. It's not too late.

I feel like I'm going to exhale. I feel like I have a breath I've been holding for a really long time, and I'm about to let it go.

Geez

It's Wednesday, and I feel horrible. I just don't want to go to my work for some reason. I was totally thinking of quitting. Meaning, just not going back.

I either should start working again on the weekends, or just commit to staying, and devoting my time to the novel. Of course, I'm here now and I'm getting distracted again, but that's okay.

I should probably just break down and get the darn Iphone. Maybe it would help me to blog on the road. Maybe it would help, because I would have an Ipod to listen to music.

My sister told me I was depressed, and I realize it's true. My job depresses me, and it robs me of motivation. Maybe that's why I go home and I just want to pass out and sleep.

I don't want to go to work

I should start to call this the "I hate my job" blog.

I have to go back to work today, and I don't want to do it. I don't want to work anymore, at all. I don't ever want to go back to that place.

But then again, I don't want to work at the Mini Day Spa. I would hate to start doing massage, and then realize I don't want to turn that into another job that I hate.

I guess ... maybe I will stay at my job, and just continue to work on the book. Of course, I get here at 7 in the morning, and ... i start looking at the internet, and I get nothing done. But I worked a lot on the book over the weekend.

I want to get away from it all, and go on a vacation. I would love to go to Paris. Hell, I would love to start working on a new novel, I'm so flipping sick of the one I'm writing. I need to finish it, but its so much work. I want to just rest and do nothing. I feel really exhausted.

I guess I'm bored and depressed. I don't want to work anymore, I don't want to go back to work at all, ever. I want to kick back and relax.

It's weird, too, because I have the guides, and yet ... they don't really do anything. They seem to do some energy work, but ... nothing happens. I guess I shouldn't bitch, though, because maybe the purpose is that they are helping me with my writing. If that's the case, then it would be stupid for me to complain.

homeward bound

I came home from the bookstore early tonight. I enjoyed writing there, but ... I've done a lot or writing this week-end. And I feel jumpy from drinking my cappuccino. There was some dude there, bragging about writing a movie and working on some treatment. He bugged me, as did these two girls who were studying, but more talking. I hate that, when little girls jabber away in a coffeehouse. as if no one is around.

And they were doing inventory that night, and had this special team come in. They were all African-American. I thought, "How screwed up is that?" Everyone coming in to work the night shift is black. That is so typical.

The people were really bugging me there tonight, I don't know why. And I have never felt this much absolute dread at the possibility of going back to work. I probably will quit, just so that I never have to go back to that placea gain. Then again, at least it will motivate me to continue writing, because I'm so frickin' bored.

still working away

It's still Sunday, still in the morning. And I'm still sitting in the coffeehouse. I've been here since 6:30, I think is when I got here. But I haven't really worked for three hours. I spent some time goofing around, looking at the internet. In fact, I've spent a lot of time looking at the internet, I usually do.

I might sit here for a while longer. Like, another hour. And then go home. I should go get more massage supplies, but I don't wanna. I should go to Target, but I don't wanna.

I guess I'm gonna keep writing.

sundaze

I'm at the coffeehouse, Rumor Mill. There is a creepy woman who comes in. Or I should say, she's not creepy, and doesn't seem creepy. But there is some vibe to this woman that I don't like. She seems really mean, like one of those women who come into the spa, who make your life miserable. She makes my skin crawl.

So I'm here early in the morning, and I'm working. I got here at 7:30 in the morning. 6:30. And I was the first one here, there was plenty of parking space in front of the building. The shop.

Before I came here today, I did my little Brain Age game, on my Nintendo DS. I did terrible, maybe because it was so early in the morning, but I am absolutely in love with it. The one thing I hate, is how they make you drawn things from memory. I hate drawing. But I am thinking about working on that too, to get my brain moving. It's really interesting, how the game gives you these exercises to activate your brain. I thought it would be good to play it before I got here to write.

I read a book at the bookstore, entirely, the whole thing while I was there. I love the fact that I didn't have to pay for the book. But, ... I'm actually getting interesting in reading again. I can't wait for Harry Potter, and the second John Twelve Hawks book is coming out.

This weekend has gone by so quickly. I can't believe all my vacation time is over. And yet, I still have so much time left. Maybe I shouldn't start working on the weekends again. Then again, I have so much time left. I could take a whole month off from work.

I will probably quit. I want to make more money. And I started to watch the TV show Medium, and I thought it was interesting. It reminded me of myself in some ways. I thought it was really interesting that she was kind of a screw up. Or, she couldn't find her place in the world, and kept thinking God was screwing with her.

That's how I feel sometimes. I can't figure out why I should be working, when I'm "meant" to write. But that's what I liked about the show, because I feel like the universse does have a plan for me, and that I just can't always see it. And I felt like saying to her, "Honey, there is a plan for you, don't be stupid." Of course, it's a TV show, and she figures it all out.

The guides were around last night, and I got a lot of energy off it. But ... it's so confusing, because I just go, "Shouldn't they be talking to me or something, like the 'Medium' girl?" But I'm just going to go with it. Also, it's really hard for my mind to not wander.

I jogged too, because I don't want to be this 40 year-old guy who dies of a heart attack.

I'm already kind of tired. It's funny, too, because I don't really feel like writing much. I might just sit here and read. But then again, I don't want to be pissed off on Monday, because I didn't get any writing done.

I loathe Angelina Jolie

I really can't stand Angelina Jolie. She's an adulteror. Why doesn't anyone remember what she and Brad Pitt did to Jennifer Aniston?

If they are such wonderful people, why couldn't they let that poor woman get out of her marriage with dignity? Couldn't they have hidden their affair for a few months, and allowed her to get a divorce? Forever, from now on, people will remember her as the woman who isn't as hot as Angelina Jolie. And hasn't her movie career been hurt by the very public way Brad Pitt dumped her?

And have you ever heard Angelina say that she's sorry? Have you ever heard her say that what they did to Jennifer Aniston is wrong? She's such a humanitarian, but she can't just admit to the world that they did the wrong thing.

I do think that her humanitarian work is a good thing, and it starts to make me like her again. But I just don't want to hear about this woman anymore. She's so overpublicized. And I HATE all those stupid tattoos.

another boring saturday

It's Saturday, and I'm at the coffeehouse, as always, as I am every day. I got here REALLY late, like at 6:45. But it's okay, because ... I've gotten a lot of work done this week-end. Well, the week-end just started, and I've had three days off. Though, it still surprises me, how little I get done overall. Well, I should be happy if I do anything. Everything is progress.

And it is, in a way. Because I was at the bookstore last night, and I'm very happy I get to go there again tonight. But I was there last night, and I read the rest of "Some Day I Will Be Invincible." And ... it was fun to read the book for free at the bookstore. But ... I was working on my book, and I just felt something.

I notice the way that blocks stop me. Meaning, I should have always known, because it's obvious that a block will stop you. But ... for example, I guess I haven't let my blocks stop me with the novel, because I keep writing it. And it surprises me, because ... I think I know it all, but I don't. Writing is like a journey, that surprises you. And the more I write the book, the more I realize that there are parts to it that I ... didn't realize where there. Like, suddenly, the relationship between the "heroine" and her boyfriend has become more interesting to me.

And I realize something else. I realize that ... this is something I wanted to write about. I notice that I think I don't want to write, but once I start forcing myself to do it, I see that I like doing it. And that I can put a lot more hours into it than I realized.

I'm also going to make crock pot soup today.

superhero

I'm at the coffeehouse, sitting around. Getting ready to work. I need to work on my novel, but ... I'm feeling pretty lazy.

I went to visit my nephew yesterday, and I feel so gross now. Actually, I felt gross yesterday. All I did was eat way too much, and ... play videogames and watch movies. I can see how it just doesn't stimulate the brain. I feel really gross.

I should go back to work on the week-ends, but I really don't want to do that. I never want to do massage again. And I do want to write, I really do. I have the next three days to force myself to write, so maybe I will do that. Actually, I probably will go back to work on the week-ends, I don't know.

vacation updates

Day two of my vacation from work, and I'm sitting in the coffeehouse.

I got here really early in the morning, and ... I've gotten nothing done, almost an hour after getting here. It's 6:49. But, I am going to hang with my family today, so I won't be able to write today. But that's okay. It's funny, because when you write ... it's lik eyou get sick of it. But I guess that is why it's good I'm hanging with my family today. So I can distract myself.

I'm really bored with my life. I need to move on, and do something else. I need to go on a vacation, or ... do something. But I also think that it's a matter of focus, and not getting distracted.

iphone 'n stuff

I really want to get an IPhone. I want to be able to do this on the road, connect to my e-mail and internet, blog. I think that's what is really exciting about it, to be able to do whatever you want anywhere. To connect to the Internet anywhere, that is so cool.

It's eight o'clock now, and I'm thinking of going to Costco next. I want to stock up on essentials, and I will have to ... I don't know, stock up in case I don't have a job. I also want a new Imac, but ... I don't knwo if that is going to happen any time soon.

It's nice in the coffeehouse today. I feel like I'm getting a lot done, since I got here at six in the morning. I did so much this morning, I got up really early, like at four thirty, and I jogged. I got here right at six, and I looked at the internet. And blogged. And I'm still looking at the internet, and blogging. But I got through the fifth chapter of my book, and I will be starting to work on the sixth. I will have five days to work on the sixth, which is, like, 300 pages long. I think I might get through ... well, it seems like I do about 10 pages in a week, it takes me a long time to edit. And I still need to write the end. But, I might have more time, since work is so awful I will have to quit.

I want to go home and sleep today, I'm so tired. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. I also want to buy some new videogames for my DS. I want to get a Wii, and maybe a PS3. I would also like to get a new TV.

I think I might clean up my house and do some laundry, while I have time off. I definitely would like to get rid of some junk from my home. I will say this too, the nice thing about going to sleep early and getting up early is that I have so much time during the day. I feel like I have done so much already. And I don't have to feel depressed for not writing anything.

age of love

Here is a video clip of age of love:

vacation, all I've ever wanted

It's Wednesday, and I'm at the Rumor Mill, starting my mornng really early.

I'm on vacation from work today, because I took three days off. I am so sick of that place.

I sort of just don't want to go back. Like, at all. I'm thinking of ...

Well, I'm going to start working at the spa again. I need the extra money, and I would like to have more savings, so that I can actually afford to quit. I might not resign from my work just yet. Then again, I probably should. It's vile there. I think I should probably work on the week-ends for a while, so that I can actually have some savings, and not have to worry. Then again, if I quit, I could work on the books some more. It's hard to understand what I should do, but I feel like I will figure it all out.

It's funny too, because now that I have a moment or two to write, I don't want to do it. I just want to sit around and do nothing. But I am going to force myself to work.

Yesterday, I did the same stupid thing I always do, I drank and energy drink, and had a cappucino. And I was up kind of late, and slept poorly. And I thought I would meditate with the guides, but I got nothing, energetically. It was one of those evenings where almost nothing happened. Weird.

I also watched a show called "Age of Love," about this young tennis stud, who gets a choice of dating a group of 20 year-old models, or a group of 40 year-old models. It was really interesting. I'm actually hoping he goes for the older woman. But we'll see.

no night

Here is a great video on You Tube, of a british movie called "No Night Is Long Enough."

saturday morning part something

Myy blog is so boring, I never change my titles even.

But that's okay, I enjoy writing little notes on it. I enjoy my updates. And I enjoy being at the coffeehouse, wriring. At least it forces me to work on the book, to get something done. I feel like I'm going to do a lot today, or at least I hope I do. But I also feel like I'm getting somewhere with my writing, that I'm learning to focus on what's important to me.

And I actually feel good about my work ... no, I hate it, and I'm going to leave. Actually, it's interesting, because I feel like I don't even want to be at that place. It's become a feeling.

Friday

It's Friday, and I'm at the coffeehouse, in the morning, and I have to go to work, but ... I never want to go there again.

It's ... interesting, though. I got into a fight with my supervisor yesterday. But ... it made me realize how selish the people around me are. And it's interesting, because ... I feel different about my work. I kind of don't care what happens there, because ... it just doesn't matter. I guess what I need to do is work really hard on the book.

I feel good in a way, because ... I don't really care about my job. But I do care about my finances.

I kind of feel like I'm going to end up leaving. Sooner, rather than later. I was even thinking about leaving today, but ... I think what I really need to do is just work a lot on the book.

Big Wednesday

It's wednesday, and I am at the coffeehouse, as always. I'm supposed to have lunch with my friend at work, but I don't even want to go to work.

I don't ever want to go back.

I am really tired today. I get so sleepy, when I am supposed to be working on my book. I should drink more coffee, but it only makes me jumpy.

I worked a bit on my book last night, and ... I went to get a cappucino after work, and a cookie. And I fell asleep, wearing my pajamas, which I was smart enough to put on before I went to sleep. And my nephew called me, but I drifted off.

I can't figure out why I have to work so hard at work, while the other two supervisors sit in their offices all day long. It makes me want to quit, but I don't have anything better to do, other than write. I totally have to figure out a way to suppoer myself through writitng.

my tuesday blog

It's Tuesday, and I'm at the coffeehouse. I'm pretty much always at the coffeehouse when I blog, because it has free wifi. Otherwise, I write in my journal.

I feel good when I'm working on the book. But it amazes me, how little time I have during the day to write. I went home last night and cooked a nice piece of steak. But, I immediately fell asleep afterwards. And I ... woke up from a fantastic nights sleep.

I had a weird dream, where the kids from High School Musical were at an amusement park. It was the sequel to the movie, but they were in this sort of disaster movie, where they were riding a log ride and had to jump off it, because it was breaking. And they were singing the same damn songs, which I thought was really unugual. But the blonde girl, and the kid with the big fro jumped off onto this cliff, and I was impressed by how gutsy the blonde girl was.

I'm enjoying writing the novel, yet, even when I get here, I have trouble focusing. My new thing is, I'm going to stay until I get in at least a good hour. In a way, I'm lucky I've found this place, because at least it forces me to get in that good hour of writing.

feelin' awful

Ugh, it's monday, and I feel so gross. I wrote a lot over the week-end, and slept too, but now I'm really tired for some reason. My sister would say it's depression. And she would be right.

It depresses me to go back to work. I don't want to do it. I am so sick of the mind numbing madness of my job. And I am sick of dealing with incredibly unintelligent people.

I am sick of being saddled with debt. I need to pay off everything. I need to get to a place where I can afford to live my life.

I just cancelled my world of warcraft account. I'm glad.

I really want to force myself to work on my novel. And, I do have to force myself. I get too distracted. But ...

I understand why authors become alcoholics. I just want to drink, to numb myself. And I should exercise, but I don't want to exercise at all. I don't even seem to care about my health. I just want to do something more interesting than what I do now.

sunday mornin'

It's Sunday, and I'm at the coffeehouse.

I find that when I write all week-end long, I tend to ... not want to write. I got so much done yesterday. I wrote in the morning at the coffeehouse, and then I went to Borders and wrote more there last night.

It's funny to me, that I can't get to the coffeehouse right when the open. As I sat in my car this mroning, I had this feeling that I should just wait and let my car warm up, but I didn't listen to it. I also felt like I should go see Hostel 2 today, but I don't really want to do it anymore. It looks crappy, and it wasn't the big hit that the critics seemed to think it would be.

Maybe I'll just go to the park and read. And I will have to face the eventuality that I may not be able to come to the coffeehouse every day and spend five dollars on bread and coffee.

I'm sitting here being distracted by the conversations going on in the coffeehouse, but that's okay too, I've gotten a lot done.

I seem to think that I'm going to be able to just sit and do nothing but write my books. Is that possible? I remember hearing one horror writer say that he would get up at four in the morning, and just write and write and write. That he doesn't even look at the internet, he just writes. And it's weird to me, that people could do that.

I've been having really intense fantasies lately. It kind of disturbs me, well, not disturbs me, but ... it's kiind of like, now that I've devoted myself more to writing, I feel like my imagination is becoming richer.

There is a guy here who has straight hair, sort of gelled back, and it looks really good.

I haven't been exercising, and I need to start worrying about my heart, but I don't. But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm not going to work on the week-end at the spa, I'm not going to work at the spa. In fact, I don't think I ever want to work at the spa again, except for the fact that I can't stand my job. But I am going to make writing my new job.

I might go see Hostel 2 this afternoon. I'm not sure. At least that way, I might not take a two hour nap. I really enjoy having my week-ends again, I don't even want to go visit my nephews or family. They are planning a father's day event, and ... I'm just so tired from working. I don't even want to go. But the good thing is, I can always come to the coffeehouse in the morning, and punish myself by staying later.

I also want to get to this place where I actually write when I am at home. I am going to slowly clean my apartment, so that it is actually a nice working space. And I ... might not buy a new computer, and might invest in some furniture for my apartment.

I really need to get the book going, so that I can work on my movies. Looking at Youtube and all the crap on the net, it makes me want to get my ass moving and ... make a movie.

saturday morning

It's Saturday morning, and I'm at the coffeehouse. I got a lot of work done so far. What I like about being here on the week-end is that I start it off on the right note.

I was thinking about going back to the spa, but now I think ... I really need to concentrate on my new business of writing and producing and advertising my books. I felt this moment this morning, where I just wanted to concentrate everything I have into writing, and making my book exactly what it should be. And it was interesting to me, because my horoscope said something about leisure time being important to me, which it is, of course. I feel like, I should just kick back and write, have a real week-end. Well, for the rest of my life.

I saw these other people talking about their businesses, and I should say, I felt a pang of jealousy, because I didn't think I had a business like theirs. But I realize, I do have a business, the writing. And even though it seems to crass to think of it as a business, you don't really need to do that. A good business is doing something you enjoy. And the writing part of it is what I enjoy. The rest of it is a business.

I saw these business cards, for the show, "John From Cincinnati," taked up on the wall of the coffeehouse. And I thought to myself, that is the kind of campaign I want to do. Business cards would be a great way to start out, because they are even cheaper than the postcards. And of course, the you tube thing. I am going to work on all those efforts, when I get done.

But I also feel like writing. I feel like really researching the grammar part of it, and teaching myself how to be a good editor. And I want to gifure out a way to do the audiobook.

friday again

It's Friday, and I'm stuck going to work, when I really don't want to go.

I am so bored. Part of me wants to go to work on the week-ends, just so I'll have some money. And I really want to pay off my debt.

If I could just pay off my debt, I would feel so much better about working. It wouldn't be so incredibly vile. But I'm bored, and ... God, I just can't stand the idea of going to work. I hate that place so much, and I can't seem to figure out why I can't get into something better. I know it's because I need to work on the book, but ... then again, I get nothing done.

I can't stand the thought of going back to work, and listening to bland people talk down to me. I can't stand the thought of working with people who are unmotivated. I hate them all.

I think the worst part is that it's all really boring.

I should just leave, I've talked about it forever. But I need money to survive. And I hate the idea of leaving one job without having another.

Hostility

It's Thursday, and I took the day off from work. I hate work. I really hate my job. What I hate most, is the disgusting way people talk to me. I hate the air of open condescention, how ... well, it just seems like people are struggling to get to a position ...

I sort of feel like my work is racist. I hate to say it, because I don't think it's a simple world just because you're lilly white and caucasian.

I guees I'm just coming to a place where I want to leave. But, it's not out of frustration, it's simply that I don't emotionally feel like I can stay. My heart was racing this morning, and I felt like it was because I don't pay attention to my heart, I don't listen to my own wants and needs. But I need to do that. It's important.

I spend my whole life reacting to others, and ... I feel like that is a part of my ... person that is changing. I'm tired of reacting and worrying about all the other people in the world, because they don't seem to worry about me.

I met an actor yesterday, who wrote a comic book. Which I bought, because I love the team that he is resurrecting. Well, I like teen superhero teams. But ... I just feel like I should be doing more. And, I don't want to be this person who reacts to others creativity. I want to be this person who expresses my own.

Which amazes me, that it's taking me so long to write this book. Shouldn't I be able to wrap this damn thing up? I get up early, to come here to the coffeehouse, and I get nothing done. I take days off, and I get nothing done. Then again, at least I am slowly moving foward with this darn thing.

apartment

I found a new apartment over the week-end, and I'm having trouble deciding if I want to move in or not. I actually don't want to move into it, but I feel like I'm crazy, because it's huge. It's a one bedroom, and the price is really great.

Maybe I do need the change. I at least wouldn't have to worry about a rent increase, which my current management company is going to continue to foist on me. And that rent increase is a problem.

Maybe the reality of the universe is that I am stuck in a rut. At least if I got out of my current apartment, I could ... I don't know.

The new apartment isn't in as nice of an area as I live in now. I love my apartment, but I am stuck in a rut. At least in the new apartment, i would have room to walk around. Maybe I would get more writing done.

I hate it, though. I really hate that apartment, I can't move there. The area is gross, it's dark at night, there is no streetlighting. I guess the reality is, in a lot of ways, I need to move there, because I can't afford the place I live in now. In some ways, I need to move, because I am not financially keeping up with the rest of the world. I guess I need to start working on the book, because it's my only hope.

another day, another dream

I'm at the coffeehouse right now. I was going to go to the Santa Monica Promenade, to get some massage oil, because I thought I would be going back to work. But now ... I'm not so sure.

I checked out this new apartment. It was huge, a one bedroom, at a pretty good price. And ... I couldn't stand it. The building was so out in the open, next to a shopping center, and I felt like I wouldn't feel safe there. It's frustrating in a way, because the place was at a pretty good price, but there was no washing facilities, no security to the building. It was just gross. And you lived right behind an office building, which is a horrible view.

I thought I would need to go back to work on the week-ends, to help pay for the move, but I really don't want to move now. Even with a rent increase, I would rather stay in my place. I also don't want to spend all the money I've been saving up. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck, I want to change that aspect of my life.

I feel this weird, centered quality to my life. Weird in that ... I had said recently that I did not feel the guides that strongly lately, and I wondered why. I wondered what it meant, and of course, it meant that they would come back stronger. Which is what happened. In the past couple of nights, I have felt it really strongly, the guide presence.

As I sit here, I want to just close my eyes, and meditate. I can almost feel fear as this energy, that's on the surface of my aura. And I want to tap into this deeper energy, at my core. It's kind of neat.

I don't feel worried about my job or my apartment, I just want to work on doing what I want.