Hostility

It's Thursday, and I took the day off from work. I hate work. I really hate my job. What I hate most, is the disgusting way people talk to me. I hate the air of open condescention, how ... well, it just seems like people are struggling to get to a position ...

I sort of feel like my work is racist. I hate to say it, because I don't think it's a simple world just because you're lilly white and caucasian.

I guees I'm just coming to a place where I want to leave. But, it's not out of frustration, it's simply that I don't emotionally feel like I can stay. My heart was racing this morning, and I felt like it was because I don't pay attention to my heart, I don't listen to my own wants and needs. But I need to do that. It's important.

I spend my whole life reacting to others, and ... I feel like that is a part of my ... person that is changing. I'm tired of reacting and worrying about all the other people in the world, because they don't seem to worry about me.

I met an actor yesterday, who wrote a comic book. Which I bought, because I love the team that he is resurrecting. Well, I like teen superhero teams. But ... I just feel like I should be doing more. And, I don't want to be this person who reacts to others creativity. I want to be this person who expresses my own.

Which amazes me, that it's taking me so long to write this book. Shouldn't I be able to wrap this damn thing up? I get up early, to come here to the coffeehouse, and I get nothing done. I take days off, and I get nothing done. Then again, at least I am slowly moving foward with this darn thing.