Monday morning blah

It's Monday morning, and I'm at the coffeehouse. I'm really tired from working yesterday. Will I be perpetually tired if I start working at the spa full time?

I did a shift of four, but I will be doing five from now on. And for some reason, I am exhausted by the idea of working on the book. Which is not a good thing. Working on the weekends shouldn't take away from my novel. But I did make a lot of money at the spa.

Probably the way I eat is a factor. I eat too much garbage. After the spa, I went and had a huge, disgusting hamburger.

A girl at the spa once told me that the problem with doing massage was that it uses up the same creative energy as writing does. And it's kind of true. But I think another problem for me is that ... if I feel overwhelmed, I can't do something. And when I take away that week-end of working, I feel like I don't have enough time to write.

But then again, I am not writing now so ... I don't know.

i got an iphone

I got an Iphone. I'm ... well, like anything, you want something, and then when you get it, it's just another material possesion. However, it is really nice. I think it's like, the single greatest product I've ever seen. It does everything flawlessly. E-mail, internet, everything. I love it all.

dark rivers

I'm at the coffeehouse on Saturday morning. I'm going to the spa to work tomorrow. I'm actually excited about that again, mostly because I want to put myself into a position where I will feel more secure about leaving my job.

I was SOOOOO tired when I woke up this morning, I had a terrible night's sleep. Nothing too guide related, though.

I'm thinking of going to get the Iphone, but something tells me I shouldn't. Probably because I am going to snap and quit my job, and I won't need the extra 20 dollar a month bill. It's so stupid, how I spend money I don't have.

I have a great book I'm dying to read, and ... it's called "The Dark River." But I'm actually showing the strength of character to work on my book instead.

friday at the coffeehouse

It's Friday, and I'm at the coffeehouse. Dreading going in to work. I left my id at home, and now I have to go back and get it. Which will be okay, because I will be able to drop off my computer.

I need to do something at work. I need to talk to people about the situation. Or just leave.

I drink to stay awake

It's Thursday night, and I'm drinking a cappucino. I've started doing that again, which is ridiculous. But, there I go.

It's interesting, because I need to leave my job, big time. I'm going to have big problems if I don't, because my evil supervisor is, well, evil. And I guess I'm going to have to ...

I wonder if I will be able to do massage full time? I wonder if it will wear me out. It's interesting, because I see myself writing a lot, like, spending my whole days writing and writing. But, will that happen? Can I stand to write 10 hours a day? Or will I just stick myself into the same ... rut that I've always been in?

I really want to write. I'm bored with everything else. I can see myself writing constantly, and ... recovering from doing massage the rest of the time.

work smarter

So, I'm thinking about ... I'm thinking about the fact that I think all the time, and that ... I'm so obsessed with stupid shit that never gets me anywhere. Actually, I just think about ridiculous ... baloney all the time. I think about work, I think about how much I despise the people there.

Isn't that ... I don't know, the nature of my whole life? I remember defining my life by my situations, living at home and going to school. I remember hating the kids at school, and hating my parents. And now, I look at work, and my horrid boss, and it feels like the same thing. It feels like I just occupy myself with ridiculous bullshit, and don't concentrate on anything that could help me live a better life, like finishing my book.

I probably should have finished it by now, but ... I haven't. And I haven't, because ... I don't know why. Because I goof off all the time.

I was thinking to myself that in a way, my writing is like mental gymnastics. I spend all this time writing, over the years, and I have done nothing with it. Should I be in writing classes, perfecting my craft? Probably, though probably not. I guess on some level, I am terrified by the idea that I could be criticized. I really don't like that concept at all. But, that's okay too.

If I start working on the weekend again, which I totally need to do, I am going to force myself to go to the bookstore on either Thursday or Friday night. And, stinker that I am, I'm going to drop shifts every once in a while.

I'm also going to figure out a way to have zero debt. I HATE the debt thing. It is the worst poison you can possibly have in your life.

The rain in spain

Another day at the coffeehouse. I"m really tired, I guess emotionally. It's hard to watch my supervisor at work, doing nothing.

It's interesting to me, though, that I don't get any writing done. Well, very little. Or one could say, not enough. My new solution is that I'm going to spend less time at work, and let everyone else cover everything. I'll probably leave that place, and soon, but ... I really want to have a bit of a nest egg.

Maybe I could come up with the idea of ... finishing the book before I leave. If I finish the book, then I can quit my job. Or I'll just quit.