at the coffee house

I'm at the coffeehouse right now. It is so cool, because they have free wifi internet access.

I'm eating a really horrible bran muffin, which isn't so much horrible, as it is just something I don't want to eat.

I haven't worked on this blog in a log tiime, but thanks to the power of wireless internet access, I can. It becomes easier than working in a book.

And speaking of books, the coffeehouse has helped me work on mine. I've sort of been struggling with the concept of ... do I want to quit my job and work on the book all day long, or do I want to quit and work on the book all day long, and be a loser and do massage three days a week.

Part of me really just wants to pay off my bills. I want to live in a place where I don't owe any money. I want to just have all the money I earn go to me. Actually, it's all kind of boring. When I start to think about it, I feel like I am just creating excuses ... things to worry about. Distractions. In some ways, i feel like ... I am almost sabotaging myself by trying to quit my job, so that I am living in a place where I have no money. But then again, maybe I would earn more. Maybe if I quit, I could pay off a chunk of this wretched debt. And I would be happier.

I am pretty sure I will end up quitting, because I hate my job so much.

Happy Blogging

I told myself that I would be positive in this blog, not make it a rant about ... everything. I would like to create a blog that is positive, if only so that I attract positive things in my life.

I might start posting pictures of the things I would like to attract. Or maybe even look for people who can create a positive impact in the world, and highlight their activities.

After watching "The Secret," I did a positive meditation last night, and put their ... suggestions to use. And my day felt better. I worked well with a co-worker who can be cranky, I got some work done at work. It felt good.

I really cranked on the overtime last week, and boy, my paycheck was the biggest one I've ever gotten. Which is nice. But I think sometimes ... it's interesting, because I work so much, that when I come home sometimes, it's like ... I don't know what to do with myself.

But, I am interested in actively creating the life I live. I'm tired of living my life on auto-pilot, and I would like to really focus on what I want in life. But more than that ... I want to figure out what really fascinates me. Writing, certainly. But perhaps I need to go back to making movies.

We'll see.

the secret - law of attraction

Here is a cool video to watch, about the law of attraction:

Sick and tired

I'm sick today, a little bit, so I stayed home from work. And shockingly, I am getting nothing done. I washed a load of clothes. My friend is coming next week, so I should clean my house, but it might end up being a pig sty.

I was going to go buy a new pair of tennis shoes, but I really don't feel like it. I was going to go to the coffeehouse, but I don't feel like doing that either. I definitely feel like going to buy a cup of coffee though, that I will do.

I just keep looking at this rut I'm in, and how nothing changes. I really need to shake things up.

Blah

I feel blah right now. It's Monday, and I have the day off. I was going to visit my family, and at the last minute, they cancelled on me.

I notice things about myself, that I get stuck in one place in life. Well, in every way. I never clean up my apartment, which desperately needs it. Even when I have a day off, I just sort of sit here in my muck. Maybe meditate, which ... always stays in the same place. But still, I guess I feel hopeful.

What I've told myself lately is to be happy with gradual change, if I can find it. Also, I've been telling myself that what I need to do is write. Not worry about all this other stuff, focus on writing my stories and finishing them. I really want to finish writing my book. Actually, I'm very excited about writing it and finishing it. And even if I gradually inch toward doing it, at least I'm making some progress.

I really need to clean up my apartment, too. But that can wait.

I want to work at Google

I want to work at Google. I'm thinking of sending them a resume, which is a problem, because I don't have a resume.

I just checked my computer, and sure enough, I don't have a resume. But I guess it is as good a time as any to recreate one. Maybe make it better, so I might actually get a new job.

What is it about working at a place, rather than for yourself, that makes one ... feel more secure? The security, I suppose, of having a job and a weekly paycheck. For example, massage ... I keep thinking about doing massage full time, but I feel like I would get very tired after a while. Sadly, I know I would.

I should work on my novel some more, and actually, I'm sure that I will. I certainly am not going to five up on it. Mostly because, I feel this huge pull toward writing. They said in an article on Google as a company, that they like to hire people who have outside interests. So I guess it's good that I like to write. Or that it is my real goal in life.

But I don't know what I would do at a company like Google, I guess if you don't have programming training, you're not going to go truly far in the company. Then again, that is not thinking outside the box. Maybe there is something fantastic that I could do, that would take me far in life.

All I know is, I'm tried of just working as a grunt at a company that will never appreciate me, seemingly.

selfishness is a disease

I was thinking about the world in general, and global warming. And it seemed interesting to me, how we're tearing this world apart. And I look at all the people around me, the greedy people trying to get ahead. I see so many people who are just ... dying to get ahead and dying to be little executives and drive range rovers. And it's disgusting.

No wonder the world is being destroyed by humanity. We can't work together to save it, because we're all too busy trying to become millionaires.

Now, I love money, or at least, I enjoy having it. Actually, I think I would enjoy having it, if I had something other than debt. But I was thinking to myself ... maybe it's not a bad thing in some ways, that I haven't been so competetive and vicious to get ahead. Maybe it was for a reason. What do you really get, when you et ahead. What would happen, if I conquered the world and became filthy rich? Would I be happy?

I was going to do a seperate post for my thoughts on rushing around, but I decided that maybe they are related. Because I was rushing around this morning, thinking that I need to do this and that. I was thinking about the fact that I am going to work this afternoon, doing massage, and I was resenting it. I resented the fact that I am not rich, and that I have to work two jobs, and that I do not get to drive around and have fun today. I thought to myself that I have to at least go to Starbucks in the morning and write in my journal, so that I could feel like I was having some fun. And then ... I decided to just come home and blog.

I thought to myself ... just clean your house, and enjoy your day of massage. Do some laundry and clean your home. Because it's a mess. And enjoy your day of massage and embrace that you're doing it, because you are.

I thought to myself, I should just embrace the fact that I am a loser in Hollywood, because that is what I am. Or at least, embrace where I am and work from that, not just focus on ... whatever, distracting yourself from reality.