bordered bored

I was at Borders, and it just seemed so boring sitting there. So yesterday.

I've been working on the book, and ... its so difficult in a way. Because I keep reading the same five pages over and over. But maybe that's not a bad thing. Because, I don't necessarily think writing a book is an easy thing. I feel like I'm really changing in a way.

I've been thinking how bored I am. But I'm not bored, because life is sort of endlessly fascinating. Like even Wow is so interesting, because it is just a whole bloody world to run around in. But what I was really thinking is, I'm bored with everything around me, but I'm not really bored with life. Life has many dimensions to it. I'm not bored with the idea of making movies and editing them. That interests me. Even the book interests me, because it's a challenge.

What interests me about the book is, really writing what I mean to write, not just filling the pages because I want to make a million dollars. I realized something, I don't want to make a million dollars, but what I want it, to fill my life with things that interest me.

sunday run of the mill

It's Sunday, and Im at the coffeehouse. It's weird, how I'm coming back here a lot. I see myself in a phase where I start coming here again.

I don't want to do massage, ever again. I'm so sick of it. Well, I guess that's not true. I'm sure I will again. But, I don't really feel like it now. But then again, I sort of sit around too much when I have too much time off. And of course, I'm not really working on my book.

And as much as I try to get myself out of debt ... there it still is. I need to get a new computer, my world of warcraft doesn't work at all. But ... geez, there I go again, spending money I don't have.

It's so weird, though. A part of my just thinks ... don't worry about it. I spend so much time worrying that I get nothing done in life. I just sort of can't care anymore. So what if the world if screwed up, and so what if I have more debt than I can possibly handle. I guess the universe will just have to help me out.

I look around, and the world seems kind of sad to me sometimes. It's such a strange thing, to see people who are ... I don't want to say unhappy, but ... I come into this coffee place, and there are so many disturbed clients. There are so many people who come here who seem to have difficulty dealing with the world. Well, that's not true, I see a couple. But when I went to Starbucks in Santa Monica yesterday, it was shocking. There was an old man who was balling up napkins and throwing them into the trash from a table. And he kept missing. I found it so disturbing, because his lack of manners was so obvious. And another woman was muttering to herself.

A part of me thinks that it would be better if I didn't get a new computer, and just stopped playing World of Warcraft. Am I a hideous addict, like that guy who started the website wowrecovery.com? It looks like my symptoms are only mild, at least compared to that guys. But it's interesting to me, that people hate their lives so much. Not interesting in the sense that ... I wonder why people find such a hard time focusing on reality? The pain is too intense?

funny stuff

I'm at the funky coffeehouse/laundromat, writing.

Tragedy struck today, I could not access my World of Warcraft. I'm thinking of buying a new Imac tomorrow, which is something I shouldn't do. But ... I don't know, that is something I need to think about. It might be better for me if I can't access Wow, but then again, it is a fun diversion.

Interestingly, I have been working really hard on the book, and I went back and rewrote the first chapter. And i have been working on it and working on it and ... it hasn't been going anywhere. So i finally realized, I don't really want to write this new version of it. And even more bizarre, I went back to the original first chapter ande realized, "I'm just going to edit this."

Maybe it is a good thing, that I stopped working. Maybe it was meant to be after all, because then I can concentrate on the book. And if I don't end up re-writing the whole thing, well, then maybe I will finish it sooner than I thought. And again, I don't really want to just finish it, I want to ... well, I actually do just want to finish it. I have spent so much time writing it that I have lost all perspective on whether it is good or not.

But if I buy that flippin' mac, I will have to start working again.

mid-life crisis

I was at the bookstore just now, and it was completely vile. And i just wanted to leave, very badly. I realized, I don't want to be in this place, I don't want to be around horrible greedy people doing their X-mas shopping, it was vile. I realized taht I want to be somewhere funky and hip, like the laundromat/coffeehouse. I don't want to work at a horrible company, like the movie studio, surrounded by greedy people. I think I do want to do massage for a living, I don't want to be in a normal world, surrounded by boring people. I only want to do things that interest me, like write.

I was thinking about my writing. And ... I realized something. I sort of write ... in a rush. I write, because I'm dying to escape the horrible people at my work. But ... even though I write things that interest me, I don't write from my heart. I write from this place of ... writing what I think people will like.

I'm supposed to go to this stupid country club tomorrow, to have a lunch with my sister. And I don't want to go. I realized, I'm not that person, I'm not a country club guy. I'm a guy who works at a cheesy spa, maybe, who just lives a funky life.

Bloggin'

Time for me to change the name of this blog, I'm tired of it. I need something with a point of view that is ... my point of view.

I also want a new Mac.

My friend at work does these raps that are really cool. His name is Arek. I am kind of inspired by it, I'm going to direct his little music videos. I've never thought of directing before, but I'm really inspired by this kid's music. I don't know why. It makes me want to direct.

I guess I'm really inspired by this whole internet world we live in. I love that we have this great means to express ourselves.

In the coffeehouse just now, this woman went off on one of the workers. It sso rude to hear that, its so rude to hear people screaming in a coffeehouse. It shows how selfish a person is that they would come in here and disrupt everyone by shouting. You sort of prove you are wrong by being so selfish.

Enchanting

I loved the new movie "Enchanted," it is my new favorite movie, perhaps one of the best things I've ever seen since "Aliens."

Here are two clips:



Here is another:



I love that youtube already has clips of my two favorite songs in the movie.

Writing again

I'm suddenly interested in writing again, so much so that I want to quit my job at the studio and just write. I'll have to wait and see if that's feasible.

I went to Borders last night, and the girl working there was a little bitch. She stole five dollars from me. First off, they made me a horrible gingerbread latte, Im convinced it had sugar-free in it, because she had the sugar-free bottle next to her. Now, I didn't want to make a fuss, because I figured that they were nice girls at the counter, so I just went up and got another cup of coffee. Bitch has the nerve to take my ten dollar bill, and then tell me I gave her a five. I am never doing that again, I will never go to Borders Westwood again. Their service SUCKS.