sunday run of the mill

It's Sunday, and Im at the coffeehouse. It's weird, how I'm coming back here a lot. I see myself in a phase where I start coming here again.

I don't want to do massage, ever again. I'm so sick of it. Well, I guess that's not true. I'm sure I will again. But, I don't really feel like it now. But then again, I sort of sit around too much when I have too much time off. And of course, I'm not really working on my book.

And as much as I try to get myself out of debt ... there it still is. I need to get a new computer, my world of warcraft doesn't work at all. But ... geez, there I go again, spending money I don't have.

It's so weird, though. A part of my just thinks ... don't worry about it. I spend so much time worrying that I get nothing done in life. I just sort of can't care anymore. So what if the world if screwed up, and so what if I have more debt than I can possibly handle. I guess the universe will just have to help me out.

I look around, and the world seems kind of sad to me sometimes. It's such a strange thing, to see people who are ... I don't want to say unhappy, but ... I come into this coffee place, and there are so many disturbed clients. There are so many people who come here who seem to have difficulty dealing with the world. Well, that's not true, I see a couple. But when I went to Starbucks in Santa Monica yesterday, it was shocking. There was an old man who was balling up napkins and throwing them into the trash from a table. And he kept missing. I found it so disturbing, because his lack of manners was so obvious. And another woman was muttering to herself.

A part of me thinks that it would be better if I didn't get a new computer, and just stopped playing World of Warcraft. Am I a hideous addict, like that guy who started the website wowrecovery.com? It looks like my symptoms are only mild, at least compared to that guys. But it's interesting to me, that people hate their lives so much. Not interesting in the sense that ... I wonder why people find such a hard time focusing on reality? The pain is too intense?